Hear me roar!

I have been given 2 great compliments in as many days.
Last night in discussing with my dear friend Martin some troublesome situations I'm having at work & the means in which I was attempting to resolve it I admitted that I felt I wasn't doing a very good job due to my 'friendly' nature. He said "I actually don't think you're as bit a softie as you think or what everyone else has told you you are".
This simple statement encouraged me to analyse my assertiveness or lack thereof from the not too distant past up until now. There are many memories of not pressing issues in order to maintain peace for the benefit of others or just simply doing as I was told, as well as accepting facts in blind faith that later turned out to be bogus. This passive aggression may also have been a result of my negative self-image, always thinking "I won't get in anyones way otherwise they'll look me up & down & make me feel fat & even worse about myself... I don't want that". Past me is lucky I can't go back in time & teach him a thing or several!

I think I have the experience of good ol 2010 to thank for the continuing emergence of my assertiveness.
First year out of uni= learning-curve
First relationship= super-duper-ultra-rubbish-times-but-glad-that-it-happened-because-I-was-able-to-learn-NOT-to-fall-for-people-who-resemble-Voldemortish approximations!

From both of these experiences which seemed to dominate 2010 I emerged with a stronger sense of myself & knowing what I wanted to some degree. I learnt so much about working in a school environment (but why they don't allow teachers to carry tasers is beyond me!) as well as realising the kind of reptiles I don't need in my personal life.
NO!
NO GOOD!
THIS ISN'T WORKING FOR ME!

I DON'T LIKE THIS! 

YOU CAN'T DO THAT! are the words that took place of meek & mild:
"Uh sure, that's fine, I guess so, but..... ok" and I couldn't be happier for that fact. I have grown & am ever so steadily letting people know I can have a voice, rather than letting my complaints or misgivings fade into silence.

The second compliment came from another dear friend who I hadn't seen in a while. I told him the above statement re:being a softie & he agreed slightly. "I think the difference is that you look to the future more & you make up your mind even before you let people know what's going on. For myself I say "I'm doing this, you can do what you want & that's cool... but you should do what I'm doing" whereas you find other ways to bring people around to what you're thinking or to let them know your opinion. It's less obvious I guess". 
(JEDI MINDS TRICKS!!!!!!!)

I thoroughly enjoyed and agreed with both candid descriptions of my assertive style. Whilst I try to be less intrusive when persuading people or letting them know my opinion on a topic, I have started becoming more & more stern in my teaching style. I often struggle with this because I feel it is not in my 'nature' & I much prefer being friendly, but the rampant malice & apathy of my students has forced me to measure a harsh resolve, leading to one of my most dramatic moments in talking to the students at the centre of my troubles today.
They turn to exit the room, take 3 steps before I say "Oh by the way...", they turn on the spot to look at me... "Remember this isn't finished, so you barely have room to breathe in this classroom. NOT even a toe out of line from now...on!"... I return to my work as they trudge out.
My performance can only be described as calm reasoned ferocity which felt amazing to unleash on the deserving few. I almost felt like cracking a whip & blowing up a department store truth be told!
Whilst such blatant displays of assertive aggression are not needed, only time will tell how much my style remains the same or alters completely once more. Should all be in good fun to see how well everything stacks up... but I'm sure I will be quite confident in expressing my opinion about it what it does happen.

Carry on. xox