Another week goes by & I have even more evidence that the English language is in serious trouble.
When she was having technical difficulties with her laptop, a student was heard to loudly exclaim "That's so FAGGOT!!". Before I could pounce even her friends turned & stared at her as if she had just crawled out from underneath a rock. Their stares of disdain ignited a small shimmer of hope within me.
Would I not have to be the one to correct her fragmented & innapropriate grasp of english for once?
Would I be impressed by the impending peer assessment?
Would she even listen?
"Uh, you can't like, use THAT word like that!".
"Yeah, it's um, not a noun or something".
It was at this point that I had a Lisa Simpson moment where my internal monologue took over:
"I know, I heard it too. Here's some music *Aria by Balanescu Quartet starts playing*.
We've walked on the moon & have vastly longer lifespans but Artificial Intelligence is NO match for natural stupidity I'm afraid. All my hopes now lie with Darwin's Law!
Take the first step...
Saturday 26 March 2011
Thursday 17 March 2011
Whatever happened to...
This week was fairly tough.
As a beginning teacher both in the sense that this is only my 2nd year out of university & also that I've only just started at a new school I feel I haven't yet 'earnt my wings' enough to, well, have a whinge about kids today. I'm only a young'un myself & like to think I'm fairly easy going, but the kind of rigid arrogance & foulness teachers are forced to go up against on a daily basis is definitely bewildering & frustrating.
When I was asking a girl what she had to gain from cheating on the Premiers Reading Challenge she told me to get the f*ck out of her face.
When I asked a boy not to swing on his chair because I'd seen people get injured from falling that way, another boy chimed in with "I'll injure YOU in a minute!" (This was 2min after he'd returned to the room from being given a behaviour monitoring booklet outlining his simples goals: 1) Complete all work 2) Follow all instructions without argument 3) No swearing, bullying or threatening behaviour.)
Another girl told me point blank that I was 'gay' for putting their class in a seating plan. She later said she had to go to a 'gay' detention, given to her by a 'gay' teacher because all teachers were 'gay'.
Jeez, we must be a 'HAPPY' profession!
I'm only on my 9th year out of school myself & while I know we may have been jokers or clowns at times, we were always respectful. We knew when to stop & we also knew that we would never, ever, EVER swear at or even in front of a teacher & if we did, we had to be prepared for the hellfire of consequences that would rain down upon us & deservedly so.
These days however, the words are so occasional & are so ingrained into the everyday vocabulary that it is an extremely hard task to get the students to modify this practice or even just use some better adjectives!
Me: "Good Morning "Blah", how are you today?"
Blah: "SHIT!"
Me: "Hmm, could we maybe use a better word? If you're not feeling well, how about 'Awful', or even 'Not the best thanks'.
Blah: "Nar".
Me: "Why not?"
Blah: "Cos that's fucken shit!"
Facepalm!
It is truly a double edged sword. On one hand when students swear at me, trying to insult, upset, offend etc it actually makes me laugh. There is something satisfying being polite to those who are seeking to upset & I can see the confusion in their frontal lobe lacking eyes when their words fail to reach their mark. It's taken me a long time, but it seems like I'm becoming immune to the words due to substantial immersion in them, although this is also sad that it's had to come to this.
On the other hand, it is also extremely sad to know that the F & C words is all that they have & it is definitely not much. There is no evident reason, semblance of logic or developed perspective. They barely take the time to absorb a statement before they fire off a string of ignorance, showing that they have an exceptional lot to learn. If only they'd stop railing against education & wearing down those who are trying to give it to them.
For now, the above song from Chicago seems perfectly apt. It is sung by a murderous songstress & a corrupt prison official who use double negatives & colloquialisms within the song to describe how the entire world has gone 'low-brow'.
Whatever happened to fair dealing and pure ethics and nice manners?
Why is it everyone now is a pain in the ass?!
Whatever happened to class? Class!
Whatever happened to "Please may I?" and "Yes, thank-you" and "How charming!"?
Now every son of a bitch is a snake in the grass!
Whatever happened to class? Class! Nobodies got no class!
Luckily, this need not apply to everyone as I had dinner with some fine upstanding gentlemen last night who are a sterling example of class & sophistication. I'd been looking forward to this occasion ALL week & through all the rancid spewings of F's & C's & 'gay's' the knowledge that I'd be amongst such venerable company kept me flying. After a tough week, it was a splendidly classy evening of good food, good music, grand company & conversation. There are somebodies out there that got no class, but fortunately, they can be blanked out & left to their own devices, to make of the world what they will. While they do this, enjoying mediocrity as it were, I shall continue doing the same in my own way.... amongst ever-classy compatriots!
Monday 14 March 2011
What shapes us.
Like everyone, I worry.
I worry about day to day happenings, situations & often, shortcomings. I worry about how my achievements measure up to those of other people my age & I worry when I realise that I seem to have reached the end of one path & begun another & am still lacking a sense of fulfilment or the semblance of satisfaction. I worry about the fact that I find my calligraphy pens far more reliable than any perpetually absent significant other. That said, I still worry about being lonely.
Recently, my worries merge from mere cognitive manifestations to take on more obvious forms. Although I am not directly/physically affected by the devastating tragedy in Japan, I have seen places where I once set foot that have been wiped clean & I am yet to hear from various friends in the affected areas. I worry for them as I worry for the whole country, especially with the continuing nuclear threat.
I have gleaned an understanding from the new reports I have devoured, the hours of live coverage & footage & it makes me worry no less. Watching 60 Minutes last night weaved my fears into a broad tapestry of recent earthquakes, tsunamis, cyclones, bushfires, blizzards, floods, hurricanes, droughts and volcanic eruptions where we are left with no doubt that our natural world is not a happy place. I know it is beyond any of us to control the whims of nature, but when we see the effect this has on our fellow human beings it is indeed heartbreaking. I worry about billions & billions of people who I have never & will never meet. I worry for us all.
Against this worry, I settled in to do some reading last night as I had been on the same chapter in The Horse & His Boy by C.S Lewis for at least 2 months. I read the Chronicles of Narnia when I was young & thought during the holidays that it was high time I refreshed myself, although time has since gotten away from me.
The part that I read last night in the chapter "The Unwelcome Fellow Traveller" was so perfectly suited to how I was feeling with all of my worries that I had to re-read it a few more times. Shasta was travelling on a normal horse but had become seperated from the Narnians due to a fog & soon found he could sense a presence walking beside him to which he eventually began conversing with.
Shasta mentioned his many hardships on his journeys, in particular involving the lions he had encountered & how there must be no-one else as unfortunate as he when the voice (hello Aslan!) assured him that he is not unfortunate & admits that he was the single lion who Shasta had seen.
"I was the the lion." And as Shasta gaped with open mouth & said nothing, the Voice continued. "I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time."
Without launching into all of the Christian allegory these tales contain, the gift of the strength of their own fear resonated profoundly with me. Fear is inevitable but it is interchangeable. It can be channelled into productivity or measuring a harsh resolve. Fight or flight. It can be the catalyst for change, whether it is good or bad but at least something may get done rather than waiting in apathy.
I myself was meant to be living in Japan this year, but seeing as I will be an uncle for the first time next month I decided to stay this one extra year to enjoy the experience. I'm not going to sit here & say "I could have died if I was there" because my plans had always been to settle in exquisite Kyoto which I am yet to hear being mentioned in areas that have been affected by the earthquake & tsunami as it is far inland. I have had many people ask whether I will still go next year & although it depends on another possibility falling through, my answer has been "Yes".
I am afraid of the extreme challenges that I would face as a foreigner living in a non-english speaking country.
I am afraid of the isolation I would feel being alone there.
I am afraid of being so far away from my family whom I love fiercely.
BUT.
I am far more afraid of sitting in my room at home, waiting for nothing to happen.
I am far more afraid of continuing to merely exist rather than live.
I am far more afraid that I would fail to recognise the lion of the world that has given me the fear to get through that 'last mile' or tough decision as it may be.
I will set out into this world with all its worries, foreboding shadows, unknowable outcomes and uncertainty & will try to make the most of the path I choose. I can make no guarantee that I will always travel the right path or make the correct decision when faced with adversity, but knowing how to live with uncertainty is the only certainty there is. I will shake my mane & rear my head in defiance & by my own actions, may possibly be the lion who gives others the startled jump from inaction.
My greatest gift I can hope to ever give you is the strength of your own fear, and I would gladly give it to you with all my love.
xo
I worry about day to day happenings, situations & often, shortcomings. I worry about how my achievements measure up to those of other people my age & I worry when I realise that I seem to have reached the end of one path & begun another & am still lacking a sense of fulfilment or the semblance of satisfaction. I worry about the fact that I find my calligraphy pens far more reliable than any perpetually absent significant other. That said, I still worry about being lonely.
Recently, my worries merge from mere cognitive manifestations to take on more obvious forms. Although I am not directly/physically affected by the devastating tragedy in Japan, I have seen places where I once set foot that have been wiped clean & I am yet to hear from various friends in the affected areas. I worry for them as I worry for the whole country, especially with the continuing nuclear threat.
I have gleaned an understanding from the new reports I have devoured, the hours of live coverage & footage & it makes me worry no less. Watching 60 Minutes last night weaved my fears into a broad tapestry of recent earthquakes, tsunamis, cyclones, bushfires, blizzards, floods, hurricanes, droughts and volcanic eruptions where we are left with no doubt that our natural world is not a happy place. I know it is beyond any of us to control the whims of nature, but when we see the effect this has on our fellow human beings it is indeed heartbreaking. I worry about billions & billions of people who I have never & will never meet. I worry for us all.
Against this worry, I settled in to do some reading last night as I had been on the same chapter in The Horse & His Boy by C.S Lewis for at least 2 months. I read the Chronicles of Narnia when I was young & thought during the holidays that it was high time I refreshed myself, although time has since gotten away from me.
The part that I read last night in the chapter "The Unwelcome Fellow Traveller" was so perfectly suited to how I was feeling with all of my worries that I had to re-read it a few more times. Shasta was travelling on a normal horse but had become seperated from the Narnians due to a fog & soon found he could sense a presence walking beside him to which he eventually began conversing with.
Shasta mentioned his many hardships on his journeys, in particular involving the lions he had encountered & how there must be no-one else as unfortunate as he when the voice (hello Aslan!) assured him that he is not unfortunate & admits that he was the single lion who Shasta had seen.
"I was the the lion." And as Shasta gaped with open mouth & said nothing, the Voice continued. "I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time."
Without launching into all of the Christian allegory these tales contain, the gift of the strength of their own fear resonated profoundly with me. Fear is inevitable but it is interchangeable. It can be channelled into productivity or measuring a harsh resolve. Fight or flight. It can be the catalyst for change, whether it is good or bad but at least something may get done rather than waiting in apathy.
I myself was meant to be living in Japan this year, but seeing as I will be an uncle for the first time next month I decided to stay this one extra year to enjoy the experience. I'm not going to sit here & say "I could have died if I was there" because my plans had always been to settle in exquisite Kyoto which I am yet to hear being mentioned in areas that have been affected by the earthquake & tsunami as it is far inland. I have had many people ask whether I will still go next year & although it depends on another possibility falling through, my answer has been "Yes".
I am afraid of the extreme challenges that I would face as a foreigner living in a non-english speaking country.
I am afraid of the isolation I would feel being alone there.
I am afraid of being so far away from my family whom I love fiercely.
BUT.
I am far more afraid of sitting in my room at home, waiting for nothing to happen.
I am far more afraid of continuing to merely exist rather than live.
I am far more afraid that I would fail to recognise the lion of the world that has given me the fear to get through that 'last mile' or tough decision as it may be.
I will set out into this world with all its worries, foreboding shadows, unknowable outcomes and uncertainty & will try to make the most of the path I choose. I can make no guarantee that I will always travel the right path or make the correct decision when faced with adversity, but knowing how to live with uncertainty is the only certainty there is. I will shake my mane & rear my head in defiance & by my own actions, may possibly be the lion who gives others the startled jump from inaction.
My greatest gift I can hope to ever give you is the strength of your own fear, and I would gladly give it to you with all my love.
xo
Tuesday 8 March 2011
What I heard today was...
Your opportunities in the department will go like this <------- -------->
But, think not what the Department can do for you, but what YOU can do for the Department.
If you are not with us, you are against us!
Pack your backpack & go into the west (and remain Galadriel?).
Resistance is futile.
We hold the guide to all the mysteries you will encounter, let this guide be your guide.
Check your interpretations at the door, we know how we like it & want it done.
Do not leave not knowing unless it's not what we want you to know.
But, think not what the Department can do for you, but what YOU can do for the Department.
If you are not with us, you are against us!
Pack your backpack & go into the west (and remain Galadriel?).
Resistance is futile.
We hold the guide to all the mysteries you will encounter, let this guide be your guide.
Check your interpretations at the door, we know how we like it & want it done.
Do not leave not knowing unless it's not what we want you to know.
Thursday 3 March 2011
Sit in the corner & sneer.
xoxo
Nice to meet you.
Do we put so much stock in first impressions that they inform our choices or interactions regarding certain people from then on? It would be easy to say that I like to give people the benefit of the doubt & let the sometimes contrived nature of initial interactions fade & give way to something far more substantial but it's not always the case. I have been guilty of letting first impressions remain firmly in mind in the past; sometimes aptly, sometimes to the detriment of the development of relationships of a more positive nature.
It is especially hard as a teacher to not let the opinions of other teachers get in the way of developing an original & meaningful rapport with some students. That said, I have appreciated being told about the sometimes explosive capacity of some of the more volatile young'uns under my care, & have also paid the price for NOT knowing in other instances!
However, when it doesn't concern specified/(over)diagnosed cognitive/behavioural difficulties & the necessary rituals & structure (Blue paper, no-one on their left side, using a full name & NOT the abbreviation etc.) needed to ensure harmony & students are described plainly & simply as mongrels before I've even met them, surely that sets in motion a chain of events that ruins the guesswork & adventure of getting to know someone from scratch?
I've experienced this a lot, having been at 3 different schools in the past 3 years, so now when teachers start giving me the low down, I politely ask that they only tell me the info regarding things I NEED to know: mainly Autism, PDD NOS, Asperger’s, ADD, ADHD, ODD, OHGEECANIBUYAVOWEL? & the like which require set management to make the classroom an effective & positive environment for learning.
In recent cases there were 2 students whose reputations preceded them & as observations go, they were absolutely foul to all & sundry. I didn't take it personally, but my mind was seemingly made up.
Today however, I thought I had met completely different people. There were jokes (not vicious or malicious), discussions of a jovial nature, inclusivity, attempts to teach the teacher some 'siq' dance moves although he probably looked like a starfish having a fit & dare I say it, there was some bonding over music festivals & bands. I made sure I gave them praise at the end, but private, specific & unconditional (more on that later: even the simple act of praising someone has boundaries now!) & I really hope that this is a continuing trend. The dread I felt in going to this class knowing what I anticipated was the result of misconstrued information as well as a series of botched & contrived first impressions.
Here’s to second impressions. Far more beneficial, way more fun & thoroughly appreciated!
Cause of a smile
Seeing a young girl in long pants, long sleeve shirt & also wearing a Hijab climbing a tall tree, shouting joyfully, pretending she's stuck up there, playfully screaming for her sister (who is wearing similar attire & is currently headbanging to whatever track is blasting through her iPod) to come & 'save' her. She then proudly smiles her bright wide smile & announces "Don't worry, I can do this myself!". She climbs nimbly down, but not before holding onto a sturdy branch with both hands & allowing her legs to freely cycle the air before her, eyes closed.
Feet reach solid ground once more. The smile does not leave her face as she rejoins her friends.
The smile does not leave my face because I know that if she were still in her native country she would have been severely beaten if not killed for such an act of mere childish revelry (especially for a girl) and I silently rejoice in the fact that she is able to enjoy such basic freedoms that we all take for granted. I halfheartedly make far less than a token effort of telling her that she shouldn't have been in the tree (as my position requires), but inside I wish I could have joined her in savouring the air up there.
There is a place for us all in that tree.
Feet reach solid ground once more. The smile does not leave her face as she rejoins her friends.
The smile does not leave my face because I know that if she were still in her native country she would have been severely beaten if not killed for such an act of mere childish revelry (especially for a girl) and I silently rejoice in the fact that she is able to enjoy such basic freedoms that we all take for granted. I halfheartedly make far less than a token effort of telling her that she shouldn't have been in the tree (as my position requires), but inside I wish I could have joined her in savouring the air up there.
There is a place for us all in that tree.
Wednesday 2 March 2011
Truth is...
Truth is an event and only through experience can the veracity of a truth be realised.
So, it stands to reason that the experience (read: pain) & truth of today is that my wisdom teeth DEFINITELY exist & according to the Dentists need to go.
So, it stands to reason that the experience (read: pain) & truth of today is that my wisdom teeth DEFINITELY exist & according to the Dentists need to go.
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